Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Release Therapy..

Where the HELL do I start.
okay, sooooo a lot of people think im crazy (which i probably am and thats fine ;D)
its not crazy, its more like L-O-V-E.
sooo, there once was this LAD i met in 10th grade, he was a bit shy at times, a bit of a troublemaker, you know trying to do thee righ thing but ended up slipping (like we all do sometimes)
but this lad was different. In a gym, is where I grew this friendship type thing with him.

sorta like my BESTFRIEND. :)

lets fast forward, soo around promm, i was dateless. I wanted him to be my date and didnt know how to ask him. (so Kaine snatches my phone and goes "hey baby, take me to prom" ughhhh ) LOL but anyway, our friendship grew larger and larger after that, which soon turned into this lad catching feelings. I was scared, shy and didnt know what to do. I laughed off my feelings about him and continued to be his "bestfriend"

well along came July 10, 2009, and we got into a hugeeeeeeeeee argument. needless to say, i asked this lad to be mine. and he gladly accepted. now i have no lad, no bestfriend, just kinda alone you know..

I never thought anyone would treat me or love me or even LIKE me like this lad did. He did everything he could for me, and i TRIED to do everything for him and i fell short. i CONTINUED to fall short. I didnt understand his patience at times, if it was me in his shoes i would have given up.. I do not take offense when people tell me to "grow up". Who said i was grown ?? shitttt, not I. im 18 for goodness sakes, in college. (newsflash for the ones who arent in college:: it doesnt make you grown, i promise)

Time after time i would slip up, cause fights, say rude things, and say things that werent required in a relationship. and all this lad did was love me, and now I lost love. Panic=stress, loss. I panicked and potentially ruined my heart.

If there was one thing I could tell this lad it would be..

i have never in my life met someone like you. im far from perfect and im sure you understand that. you dont deserve better than me, just someone who knows what theyre doing. unfortunately, that isnt me. but i want to thank you for coming into my life and ACCEPTING me for who I am as a bestfriend and a girlfriend. I do not have you, so I will fall back. I never stopped fighting for you, but to make you happy I will. you literally are one of the best things that ever happened to me. youre the air I breath, the heart that beats in my chest, all of the above. I will never forget who you are and what you were to me. I have made so many mistakes that I wish i could take back and I understand that you cannot deal with that becasue who would ? Just know that I always have your back. If you ever need me you know my number, where I stay, my ssn (kidding). The common ground we shared, the memories, the comfort, the crying on each others shoulders in need, will never amount up to anything else. I want to let you know I love you.

that is all.

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