Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Release Therapy..

Where the HELL do I start.
okay, sooooo a lot of people think im crazy (which i probably am and thats fine ;D)
its not crazy, its more like L-O-V-E.
sooo, there once was this LAD i met in 10th grade, he was a bit shy at times, a bit of a troublemaker, you know trying to do thee righ thing but ended up slipping (like we all do sometimes)
but this lad was different. In a gym, is where I grew this friendship type thing with him.

sorta like my BESTFRIEND. :)

lets fast forward, soo around promm, i was dateless. I wanted him to be my date and didnt know how to ask him. (so Kaine snatches my phone and goes "hey baby, take me to prom" ughhhh ) LOL but anyway, our friendship grew larger and larger after that, which soon turned into this lad catching feelings. I was scared, shy and didnt know what to do. I laughed off my feelings about him and continued to be his "bestfriend"

well along came July 10, 2009, and we got into a hugeeeeeeeeee argument. needless to say, i asked this lad to be mine. and he gladly accepted. now i have no lad, no bestfriend, just kinda alone you know..

I never thought anyone would treat me or love me or even LIKE me like this lad did. He did everything he could for me, and i TRIED to do everything for him and i fell short. i CONTINUED to fall short. I didnt understand his patience at times, if it was me in his shoes i would have given up.. I do not take offense when people tell me to "grow up". Who said i was grown ?? shitttt, not I. im 18 for goodness sakes, in college. (newsflash for the ones who arent in college:: it doesnt make you grown, i promise)

Time after time i would slip up, cause fights, say rude things, and say things that werent required in a relationship. and all this lad did was love me, and now I lost love. Panic=stress, loss. I panicked and potentially ruined my heart.

If there was one thing I could tell this lad it would be..

i have never in my life met someone like you. im far from perfect and im sure you understand that. you dont deserve better than me, just someone who knows what theyre doing. unfortunately, that isnt me. but i want to thank you for coming into my life and ACCEPTING me for who I am as a bestfriend and a girlfriend. I do not have you, so I will fall back. I never stopped fighting for you, but to make you happy I will. you literally are one of the best things that ever happened to me. youre the air I breath, the heart that beats in my chest, all of the above. I will never forget who you are and what you were to me. I have made so many mistakes that I wish i could take back and I understand that you cannot deal with that becasue who would ? Just know that I always have your back. If you ever need me you know my number, where I stay, my ssn (kidding). The common ground we shared, the memories, the comfort, the crying on each others shoulders in need, will never amount up to anything else. I want to let you know I love you.

that is all.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Ego Tripping

I was born in the Congo.
I walked to the Fertile Crescent and built the sphinx.
I designed a pyramid so tough that a star
that only glows every one hundred years falls
into the center giving divine perfect light.

I am bad.

I sat on the throne
drinking nectar with Allah.
I got hot and sent an ice age to Europe
to cool my thirst.
My oldest daughter is Nefertiti.
The tears from my birth pains
created the Nile.

I am a beautiful woman.

I gazed on the forest and burned
out the Sahara desert.
With a packet of goat's meat
and a change of clothes,
I crossed it in two hours.
I am a gazelle so swift,
so swift you can't catch me.

For a birthday present when he was three,
I gave my son Hannibal an elephant.
He gave me Rome for mother's day.

My strength flows ever on.

My son Noah built an ark and
I stood proudly at the helm
as we sailed on a soft summer day.
I turned myself into myself and was Jesus.

Men intone my loving name.
All praises all praises,
I am the one who would save.

I sowed diamonds in my back yard.
My bowels deliver uranium.
The filings from my fingernails are
semi-precious jewels.

On a trip north,
I caught a cold and blew
my nose giving oil to the Arab world.
I am so hip even my errors are correct.
I sailed west to reach east and had to round off
the earth as I went.
The hair from my head thinned and gold was laid
across three continents.

I am so perfect so divine so ethereal so surreal.
I cannot be comprehended except by my permission.
I mean...I...can fly
like a bird in the sky...

-Nikki Giovanni

favorite poem

Sunday, September 27, 2009


My mommy told me to never say "I Can't", sorry momma i had to do it to em.

I cant get you out my head,
I cant stop crying and get outta this bed.
I cant studt for this test, or clean off this desk.
I cant walk around and look happy.
I cant comb my hair, it feels nappy.
I cant buy anymore tissue, and I cant understand these issues.
I cant explain anything.
I cant explain why the ocean took my ring.
I cant heal the right way.
I cant understand why you wont stay.

Momma also said never say I dont...

I dont understand why God doesnt answer me, Im too busy feeling like he thinks I deserve this intentionally.
I dont know why I cant be a good girl.
I dont know why I couldnt give you the world.
I dont know why Musiq wanted his friend back
I dont know why the love I had slacked.

Momma said motivation..

I do know why I love you and still do, you probably dont think its true.
Im willing to do whatever you please, ill pray at night on my knees.
I'll ask God for everything for you.
Becasue i never wanna hear "I just want my friend back" and this is true.

Thursday, September 24, 2009


Paramore is so underrated now and it kills me. I think they are one of the best bands ever, yes EVER. big ups to Haley and them, since I have YET to find a song I dislike. I have this thing for guitar background noise..but whatever. Love all your albums guys.

Three Too Many ??

He has a guitar ? Something's different here. Many say he should retire. Others praise this mogul for his New York swag and rhymes. Jay-z, the man who everyone knows, isnt finished yet though. As for the Blueprint 3, Jay-Z's new album (which dropped September 2009), fans did not know what to expect for the rappers 11th album. Music today gives listeners eclectic beats and a club feel. Surprisingly, HOV's album gave a variety. As for past Jay albums, he gives his listeners a story, which comes straight from the streets of NY. It was exciting to hear Jay not abandoning his roots, with songs such as "Empire State of Mind" and "Already Home", featuring the new, talented artist Kid Cudi. It was also shocking to hear something different expressed by HOV though. The songs about his current love, Beyonce, let the world know that Jay-Z has a soft side. With the track, "Venus vs. Mars", HOV really compared himself to B and how they are a perfect match. The variety of this album makes people take a second listen and realize that this is not the same Jay I've been listening to since the '90s. Giving credit to executive producer Kanye West would be an understatement. The amount of work put into this album amazes me. Great job Jay, your fans still adore you.